Category: Let's talk
What goes on inside your mind. I don't mean tell us everything you think about
or that you should annotate every thought, but what is it that goes through
your mind during the day generally? what type of thinking do you engage in?
what is your mind chatter like?
Why did(n't) (person) do (thing)?
Smile.
I'll leave it there
Mostly wishing I had a job so I could do something useful. Not much out there for us deaf/blindies, however. I get quite bored.
"What goes on in your mind
I think that I am falling down
What goes on in your mind
I think that I am upside down."
-The Velvet Underground
I love The Vellvate Underground, they are a kick ass band.
If I'm on the floor at work and having a really bad day it's usually a variation of the following:
For reference, I work at a bank.
"Okay, here we go again. Standing here like one of those stoic british guard saying hello, what's brought you in today. Oh wait, I need to smile because happy! Up and down the lined up people , up and down.
First client: What has brought you in? Banking? Oh good, and here I thought you were going grocery shopping. Can I help keep you from having to wait? No? Okay.
Next client: You want to take the long way by waiting in line for a teller? Sure.
Next client: No I'm not like a bloody wal-mart greeter. And don't say that with such disdaine.
Next client: Oh? the line's too long for you? Stop complaining and let me help you. Seriously, you can do that online or through the bank machine. Don't you get snippy with me, I'm not demanding your first born.
Next client: We're doing the best we can and you don't have to wait. It's a personal choice you're making.
Next client: Yes I'm talking to you. No, not you, him. Crap, client at the front desk:
Front desk client: What's that? Oh, picking up documents for signing. Great, let me try to decipher the squiggles of your account manager. A ... B ... C, here we go. ... Seriously? Faded blue ink on brown paper? You do know this is hard for even sighted people to read, right? Great. Here we go again. Five years and people still don't get it. What's that sir? Yes I'm just looking for it, hold your water. Ah-hah, here's the bastard. Pen, pen - crap, of course. People stop stealing my bloody pens! They are in a drawer for a reason. What's that? You found one over there? Well good on you.
Client interrupting us: No you can't see him, he's in a meeting. I'll have him call you. I'm sorry but your lack of planning does not an emergency make ...
To first client: Okay, I'll make sure I get this document to him. Yes, just as soon as he's done his meeting. No you don't need to worry.
Wow, well that must have taken ... five minutes. Only two hours to go. I hate this. I love having a job. I should be more appreciative. Lots of people way more intelligent and qualified than me aren't working. Don't whine about it."
Me? It's usually all kinds of thoughts. My mind is very, very active.
A few things you can count on:
1. A snatch of music, or perhaps several of them. Leaping back and forth from one to another sometimes.
2. Anxiety. Holy god. I worry about whether I'll get to class on time, whether my stomach will start to get upset (because it does that), whether I've understood my latest assignment.
3. People. If you've had a meaningful conversation with me lately, or even not so lately, I'll probably pick at it from time to time. In a good way, I promise. I go over it in my head, wondering if I could've been more helpful or useful, or if I did anything wrong/did anything that sorta shut you down. Stuff like that. And I can be pretty hard on myself if it turns out I think I came up short.
4. Philosophical/psychological/random thoughts that pop up every once in awhile. This morning while walking to class, I got to thinking how different cultures use eye contact in different ways. And a moment later, after taking one last step into a basement corridor after descending a steep staircase, I wondered what it would be like if the entire underground of my college had completely flooded (no air). What it would sound like. The air was cold and moist, that's why I thought of that. The thoughts were both there and gone again pretty quickly, as I had to actually find my classroom, but still.
So yeah. My mind is extremely active, sometimes in constructive ways and sometimes...not.
Oh, I forgot one.
5. If I'm alone, particularly at home, I'll often think of music lyrics, and then, if they're quirky and I'm in the right mood, I'll start remaking/rearranging them. if I'm feeling particularly energetic, I might even start singing spontaneously. It's pure silliness, nothing more and nothing less. Sometimes I'll do it in front of someone, but I've got to be pretty comfortable with them before I'll do that. Because even to my best friends, I occasionally get the "really, gregg?" response. Heh.
Forgot to mention, the hum of tinnitus, fear, uncertainty, despair, and I've had that Buddy Holly song by Weezer stuck in my head for over a month now.
Okay, mind chatter. What do I need from the grocery store? Need to do two loads of laundry before it builds to 4. Today I'll do at least 5 minutes on the exercise bike before I give up. Nope, absolutely no frozen yogurt today because I had some yesterday and I promised myself not to have it two days in a row. Wish my daughter would call because I have not talked to her in way too long. Nope, I just won't vacuum today since no one is looking over my shoulder. Do I reeeally need a man in my life? Lol